Written by Sophia Beatriz Reyes
Illustration by Zia Palomar
As it is, self-identity is difficult enough to navigate, more so in one’s adolescent years. In the past, on a day-to-day basis, we’ve had to do this while fulfilling our responsibilities and constantly performing in front of everyone. But what happens when we find ourselves apart from the rest of the world? For this year’s Pride Month, we’ve decided to ask a few Ibarang this question: How has this time of isolation, crisis, and uncertainty, affected your self-identity, particularly in terms of queerness?
Nico, Batch Cozara
“It was difficult, but I got to do some introspection I never would've been able to do if we were all still face to face. It was all so much to process I ended up changing my whole philosophy (I’m basically just going “it is what it is” with whatever happens, which is my very shallow understanding of absurdist existentialism) and it’s really helped me to accept my own queerness. I identified many things I’ve been repressing all my life; compulsive heterosexuality, gender dysphoria, etcetera etcetera. Now that I know all these things about myself I feel so much more secure in my identity and I feel ready, maybe even desperate, to be a part of more queer spaces and queer communities.”
Alex Quintos, Batch Alon
“Because social media was one of the only things I could turn to over the course of the pandemic, I have gained a much broader understanding of what it means to be queer. I had come into terms with my queerness since I was around 11, but because at the time I wasn’t really exposed to a queer community within my age group, I was yet to learn things like how people can use more than one label to identify with at once. I myself was able to identify with 2 new labels along with bisexuality. I think finding these labels did provide a sense of comfort that countered the uncertainty in the world.”
An anonymous student from Batch Alon
“I came to understand my queerness further. I went through a lot of different crises regarding my identity in the process but it all just helped me understand myself better. The pandemic limited my social interactions (including dating etc.) to social media and I came to realize dating on the internet is not at all pleasant.”
Bella Majam, Batch Mithi
“Strangely enough, these uncertain times have helped me become more secure in my identity as a queer person. While the pandemic isolation has had a negative effect on my mental health, it's also given me time to reflect on labels. As a bisexual, there's always the fear of being rejected by peers and partners, straight and queer alike. These past two years have made me realize there are bigger things to worry about than what people make of my identity. I don't have to 'pick a gender' or even a label; I'm queer, and that's that.”
An anonymous student from Batch Coro
“It totally helped me become more open. Being an introvert, I’m not particularly fond of people (I still have friends [though,] believe it or not), so I appreciated the alone time, and being away from people meant being away from whatever they can say that might affect me negatively too. Though at the same time, when I scroll through my phone and see other queer people like me being happy with the ones they love, I [would] always [wish] that for me and I’d feel a little sad, being alone and not being able to do the same without the weird looks you get from people when you’re holding hands or kissing someone who presents as the same gender you do.”
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